This morning I laid out the ingredients for Kale Pasta, which I’m making for dinner tonight: deep green kale, yellow and red bell peppers, four cloves of garlic, campanelle pasta, spices, feta cheese, and then some kind of broth to loosen it all up.
I’m excited to make this dish and want to make it right now, but then it won’t be as nice by tonight. It would be like leftovers. Leftovers are great most of the time but not for this dish.
Lately cooking makes me feel good. The whole process feeds my soul.
Last week I had a pear that was about to go bad so I went online and found out how to bake pears. And then I baked pears and we ate them as soon as they cooled.
Last month I learned how to make small batches of applesauce and have made it twice so far. That recipe is a keeper. It tastes so much better than store-bought.
When my sister was here for a visit, she wanted to spend a day canning loads of applesauce. The very thought of it made me tired and cranky.
Why do canning on vacation? She said it would be no work at all since there would be four of us to do all the peeling, etc. Oh, “no work at all” to drive to Rochester to get a ton of apples, then get the jars, sterilize them, peeling, cooking, etc. Some people define “no work at all” quite differently from the way I do.
Needless to say, that idea was scrapped in favor of shopping for a day.
No, I prefer cooking by myself as a form of creativity and healing.
Healing is an animal of a different color. It cannot be pushed or controlled.
Before my nervous breakdown, I imagined “getting” to cook when I didn’t have to work anymore. Then I wasn’t working anymore but cooking was the last thing on my mind. Post nervous breakdown, it was a good day if I woke up and ate!
If I had known how many years it would take for me to be at this stage of recovery, I might have given up. But I didn’t know and I haven’t given up.
It turns out that for me, all of life is a form of creativity and healing.