I read an article recently that discusses what happens to children who have been traumatized at certain crucial stages of development when they grow up. The author’s opinion was that trauma during the terrible twos and again during puberty had a permanent effect on the individual.
Awhile back I read a different article about a study. The study involved a group of children who had been bullied at certain ages and checked in with them at intervals for their entire lives. The study reached the same conclusion–that particular childhood stages were very vulnerable for psychological damage and that the damage is virtually permanent. The bullied children as adults tended to remain unsuccessful outsiders throughout adulthood no matter what.
Well, I could have told them that!
It’s kind of nice to know that the way I turned out is not my fault. I did not choose to hang onto the past and fear the future. I did not choose to wallow in grief or get lost in worry and anxiety. Instead, this is basically what I became “made of” due to the timing of events and how those events mixed with my “self” during my childhood and youth.
This means to me that my task is not about weaknesses or flaws. I don’t need a cure. I need to accept who I am now. I need healing and purpose. My task is to keep finding my way.