For quite some time now I have been saying that I am a person who has clinical depression, anxiety and PTSD. I have been considering these conditions to be three separate illnesses with three separate needs for healing.
While puzzling out my own issues that have caused problems in my life over and over again through the years, I have also thought a great deal about people in my circle that have had a formative impact on me. They also seem to have mental and emotional health issues. In all my reading and research, though, I couldn’t really figure out what specifically I was dealing with.
Could I really, all by my lonesome, know that many narcissists??? They are out there for sure and I have met some. But would it really be like half the people I know???
I started noticing that some of these people, who are very self-preoccupied, actually carry around phenomenal amounts of anxiety and have serious control issues. Would being anxious all the time cause a person to be so caught up in their own inner world and emotions that they have an effect on others around them that is similar to narcissism?
Well, that’s what I’m thinking.
Then I did some more thinking about my own anxiety symptoms. I have had them since childhood off and on. Those symptoms started before my first experience with depression. And then it occurred to me that the two may be related. That maybe my anxiety has actually caused me to either end up with depression or to begin dealing with life in a way that causes or mimics depression. This would be a way to protect myself from the unpleasant sensations of anxiety. It would be a way to feel less afraid which is what anxiety makes you feel.
At any rate, my current thinking is that if I concentrate on easing and treating the anxiety, then the depression will ease somewhat naturally. I also think that a person with anxiety would be more prone to dealing with trauma by turning it into PTSD. My anxiety-ridden body is made in such a way that PTSD is almost inevitable.
I thought of this a few weeks ago and since then have made efforts every day to consider anxiety first when I’m feeling a certain way or when I am having certain problems dealing with every day life.
Changing my approach in this way has somewhat freed up my mind from the near constant analysis I have been making over causes of my depression. I have really been stuck in the past because of that.
This new approach has also helped me to lose interest in being a victim. It has helped me to be able to look inward for my solutions instead of always waiting for others to start being nicer or more supportive.
It will be pretty awesome if I am right about this because treating the cause of something is always better than just treating the symptoms. So, in this case, if I have found out the real cause of my problems, then I am really on my way to health and wholeness.