Enough Time Goes By

Last night my belly dance troupe held its annual Christmas Hafla (belly dance gathering).  We’ve had about five of them.  This year was our third one held a local bar that one of our dancers works at.

I was so keyed-up beforehand that I felt nauseous.  As many times as I have performed in public, that sickish feeling seems to be necessary on some level.  Maybe it is a gathering of all my energies.  It passes once the food is set up and the pool table moved out of the way and the music starts and we are dancing.

There was something different about how I felt, though, compared to previous years.  I felt more centered in my body.  There was less of a “people pleasing” element to me just being there.  More of a detachment.

I think it was a healthy detachment.  More of a “this is where I leave off and that is where you begin” kind of detachment.

Usually I do a lot of nervous laughing in between songs and sometimes even during a dance.  That didn’t happen last night.  Yet, I can say I did have fun.  Less laughing and more being actually present in the moment.

My choreography partner and I performed the dance we choreographed ourselves this year and we received a lot of positive feedback.  I felt really strong while dancing it.

We finished our second choreography this week.  It goes with a Christmas song and we had hoped to have it ready for the Hafla.  But there just wasn’t enough time.  We will polish it to perfection and unveil it next Christmas.  No pressure!!!

So anyway, this is one more example of the kind of progress I have made this year in comparison to where I was last Christmas season.  It is reassuring to have something to measure in a journey that is all about going with the flow.  These things take a lot of time and I am fortunate to be able to spend my time in this way.

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6 Comments

Filed under art therapy, boundaries, decision making, exercise, first impressions, friends, getting along, growth, healing, history, journey, progress, self-care, self-respect, social phobia, Uncategorized

6 responses to “Enough Time Goes By

  1. This is terrific! I’m so glad you had such a positive experience, and a good time. Merry Christmas! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you and Merry Christmas to you and the family! Though I know I still have a ways to go in becoming truly healthy, I am so encouraged each time I can see that I have made real, measurable progress. There are times when I just feel like a stronger person. And I don’t see that ever going away because I actually have some tools to work with now. What a difference from two and a half years ago….

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I came back to this because I had wanted to comment but got interrupted or something at the time. I can relate so totally with this post. You said you were nauseous before your performance but felt strong while dancing. Isn’t this just the way? Before I start on actually making and decorating a cake I am sick with stress – did I leave enough time? Is the design too much or too simple? A million things go through my head until I realize I am knee deep in it and it is working (or not as in the case of the latest fiasco but that was clearly the cake’s fault LOL!). I am glad you and your partner decided to not push the second choreography. It will be fantastic next year! I always wanted to learn belly dancing. The wife of one of my bosses years ago was an incredible dancer! I am afraid now, though, my body wouldn’t handle it!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yes, this is why I am relying on creativity and artistic activities for my healing. There are so many ways in which it can help with depression and anxiety. You can learn a lot about yourself, too. It’s funny about the belly dancing… I had to be talked into taking the classes! I had seen the belly dancers at a local 4th of July celebration and thought, how brave they are! And how beautiful the costumes are!! But I sure didn’t see myself doing it. LOL! You just never know!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. That is so great. I am proud of you for being able to do this. It is an important step to your healing. Keep that feeling of confidence and detachment from distraction and you will be able to access it when you need to. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

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