Monthly Archives: October 2015

Change of Plans

I’m probably getting a new kitten today.  He is orange and white and his name will be Sonny when he is mine.  I thought I would be getting a kitten last weekend and I expected him to be white and gray-striped.  I also expected him to be free!  No such luck.  I will be paying $50 for what in the past would have been a stray cat.

I’m not sure when I will go get him as I am waiting on a call from the Roto Rooter guy.  He was already out here this week and cleared out a couple of clogs.  Apparently there were others lurking somewhere in the convoluted mess of old and new plumbing that our house contains.  I discovered this when I opened the washing machine this morning to throw in a load of laundry and found the tub filled with sewage.  Nice!

Originally I planned to do the laundry on Tuesday or Wednesday, but I woke up early enough today that it seemed like a good idea to get something useful done right away.  And I was right about that.  I just didn’t know what the useful thing would actually be.

Sundays are normally when I take belly dance class.  Last night I made plans to go in early since my friend is teaching instead of the regular teacher.  This is the friend I choreograph with and we are creating a Christmas dance.  She thought it would be nice to work on our dance in the huge studio with mirrors on both ends of the room.  Though I didn’t really want to change my routine, I agreed to come in early because she was right, that studio is a real treat to dance in and there will come a day when we can’t use it anymore.  So, sure, I can go with the flow today.

But sewage in the washing machine out-ranks even the most beautiful of dance studios and so there will be no class for me.

I suppose I could just wait and see when the plumber is coming and then scramble to fit in a partial dance class, then race over to the foster family and pick up Sonny, and then race home and cram in the other things I had on my list for today in preparation for being completely booked for tomorrow.

But I made an executive decision.

No dance class, period.  Wait for plumber because there is nothing optional about that one.  Then call foster family about Sonny. And lastly, I crossed two things off the list once I realized they were actually choices that I had somehow made into requirements.

Truly I am in a new country these days.  None of it feels exactly natural.  But the old ways no longer fit.

One old way was to become a victim and expect to be rescued from each of these events.  And be sorely disappointed when that did not happen.  Another old way was to become angry with the people who had thrown these monkey wrenches in my path.  And a third old way was to memorize the monkey wrenches and vow to never have dealings with these people again because trust was broken.  That’s exactly how my mother lives her life and I guess I absorbed that method from the moment I was born not knowing any differently.

The first plumber could have stayed longer the other day and had me run water from every part of the house to make sure he really got all the clogs.  It did actually occur to me to do something like that before he left, but he was confident it was all clear and I went with that.  No wonder the bill was less this time than two years ago.  So, he goofed and so did I.

My dancing friend could relax a bit about the new dance.  I could have told her I didn’t really want to come in early.  But she was right about our chance to use the studio.  And then none of it mattered anyway.  So that’s that.

My friend who told me about the kitten could have called me last week but she forgot.  She could have told me about the $50 but she forgot.  I know something about her life and I guess she just flaked.  Twice.  I could have cancelled the whole thing because I didn’t want to spend the money.  But nowadays with rescues, “furever” homes, and Community Cat Committees…. it is unlikely I would get a cat anytime soon for free.  And I don’t want to wait any longer.

Sometimes life is just too much.  Every day I wonder what my life would be like if I had figured out a way to heal myself of depression at a much younger age and in a simpler time.  But simpler times didn’t have the knowledge and the internet, and that is what will finally break the depression spell for me.  So, better to wake up from that spell during crazy times than to never come out of it at all.

As for the best laid plans, I don’t see anything wrong with making plans on some level.  It’s just pointless to be married to them.  Stressful, too.  The real secret to it all is to always take care of your own basic needs first and foremost.  I am a work in progress on that count, but I’ll take it.



Filed under decision making, depression, friends, getting along, growth, healing, planning, stress