Every Tuesday

Tuesday, my day off.  It is overcast and cold.  It is a quiet day.  There is no pressure.  I’m just waiting for insights and healing.  There is not enough time in one Tuesday to receive as many insights and as much healing as I need.  But I will not dismiss these tiny doses.  Too small is still more than zero.

I went the thrift store today determined not to buy something just for the thrill of it.  My pile of future fabric upcycles is pretty big right now.  The projects go slower than the accumulating and I am wary of overwhelming my sewing room and my mind.  But the thrift store is inspiring.  So, it’s okay for me to go there within reason.

In the glassware section I spotted a pair of highball glasses with a pair of wild horses painted on them in gold and black.  The horse is my spirit animal and these were striking in appearance.  $1.99 for the pair.  I carried them around the store as I searched the clothing racks.  I knew I might end up not buying them if I carried them around long enough.  But no pressure.

In the dress section I found several long tunics that Indian women wear as part of a salwar kameez outfit.  Since I know they can often be easily altered to fit several sizes, I looked them over carefully for myself.  Unfortunately, several had deoderant stains that I wasn’t so sure I could remove.  But one seemed to have been unworn!  And the seams each had several inches available for altering!  The colors were perfect for a redhead like me.  So, I set down the highball glasses and chose the tunic.  My decision was made and the glasses went back on the shelf.

It was a slow day at the thrift store and no one was at the cash register when I was ready to check out.  A bell was on the counter and I politely tapped it.  I had to tap it once more before someone came and I smiled when she saw me.  It is so hard for me to ask for help or attention.  Ringing a bell is a major decision for me.  I’m not quiet by nature.  But I am reluctant to ask for anything from anyone.  Too many let-downs and betrayals.  Too much of being used and taken for granted.  Too few well-adjusted and kind people in my world.  I smiled at the clerk because I wanted it to be okay that I asked for her attention.

When I got home from the thrift store, there was a message on the machine from the vet.  My cat was ready to be picked up from getting neutered today and hadn’t needed anything extra during the surgery.  I felt so happy that he was okay and ready to come home.  He is a naughty little orange boy but I’m crazy about him and must have been worried about the surgery without even realizing it.  I am wondering if he will change very much because of the surgery.  There was no avoiding it, though, if he is going to be allowed to live in a house.  For now he is quiet and still from the anesthesia and surgery.  He is hanging out on the window sill dozing and soaking up the brightness of that overcast sky.

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